I’m Shoppy. Robbie’s “shop cat.”

But let’s be clear - I am not just a shop cat.

I am his officially assigned Feline Guardian. Sent by ancient barn spirits and possibly a higher dairy authority to protect him from:

• Falling 2x4s
• Sasquatch
• Mean Log Splitters
• Suspicious side-by-side drivers
• And anyone who says, “You don’t need another project.”

I patrol Cheddar View Acres daily. I inspect lumber stacks. I judge welds. I supervise from elevated surfaces. I nap strategically — it’s called tactical energy conservation. Look it up.

This gold chain? Not flashy. Functional. It’s a credential. The medallion clearly states my jurisdiction. Middletown, Virginia. All barns. All fields. Unlimited authority.

Robbie thinks he owns the property.

Adorable.

I allow him to operate heavy machinery under my watchful amber gaze. I permit him to grill meats. I tolerate his playlist.

But make no mistake…

If danger approaches - whether it be raccoon, bad business idea, or man bun - I will rise from this grass like a buttery orange thunderbolt.

Because I’m not just Shoppy.

I’m the Guardian of the Acres.

Now excuse me. I must go stare at something invisible and save this farm again.